The Guide to Exploring Feelings for Kindergarten-Aged Children

As your child enters kindergarten, they will become more independent and discover who they are and what they like, which sparks new emotions. While they may be excited to join the “big kids” at school and meet new friends, they might also feel nervous, sad, or even angry about these changes. 

“Beginning kindergarten is a significant developmental step for children and parents, which evokes many feelings,” says Nancy Close, Ph.D., Clinical Director of the Parent and Family Development Program at the Yale School of Medicine Child Study Center and creator of Woof the Shadow Pup, a bedtime activity to help children express their feelings. “There are so many new routines, expectations, people, and places they need to adjust to. All this newness can cause some separation anxiety — more difficulty getting ready and going to school, clinginess and worry, and even some regression.”

Having an open dialogue with your child and teaching them coping skills will prepare them to manage these big feelings when they arise. Reading books with relatable characters experiencing the same emotions can also teach your child that these feelings will eventually pass. 

Use your nightly read-aloud time with your child to bond over their feelings about these big adjustments and help them make sense of their emotions. 

Here are the most common emotions kindergartners experience while transitioning into their new classroom setting, and how to navigate them with their favorite titles.

Anxiety and Fear

With many unknowns, it’s completely normal for your child to feel anxious and scared about starting kindergarten. Unlike their previous predictable schedules of naptime and play, they are now sitting hours-long in a classroom learning a variety of new subjects throughout the day. They may also feel nervous about playing with classmates, following different rules, and learning unfamiliar topics. 

“Children this age often think when they go to kindergarten they should already know how to read or write,” says Close. “They also worry if their teacher will like them and if they will make friends.”

First, acknowledge your child’s feelings and remind them that these emotions are part of starting a new adventure, and they aren’t the only ones who feel this way.  

Books with characters dealing with anxiety and worry — like Worrysaurus, Wemberly, and an uncertain little butterfly — will help your child express their feelings appropriately and find the strength within themselves to overcome their fears.

Excitement

New routines, a new classroom and teacher, and new friends are all things your child may get excited about when starting kindergarten. After all, your child is feeling more grown up! But all of this excitement can feel overwhelming, too. 

Teaching your child about patience is a great way to get their excitement to a more manageable place. 

In the Croc Needs to Wait, children meet an overexcited crocodile who can never seem to wait for anything. He interrupts others, rushes, and can’t wait his turn. Through this adorable character, children will understand that practicing some patience ultimately gives them what they want and helps them learn from others.

Books like David Goes to School and Clifford Goes to Kindergarten can also teach children how to respect classroom rules even when they're bursting with excitement — and how to adjust to a new environment. 

Anger 

Being introduced to a new learning environment that is a little more structured than what your child is used to can evoke feelings of anger and frustration. They won’t always get their way in class, and they don’t get to dictate their schedules. 

“Taking big breaths and using a mantra you and your child develop together that focuses on themes can be very helpful,” says Close. “For example, ‘It is OK to feel…’ and ‘I know sometimes school can be hard.’”

Relating to your child and modeling healthy coping skills are great ways to help them work through feelings of anger. 

For example, Grumpycorn and Llama, Llama Time to Share will teach children about the joys of collaboration with their friends and how to overcome feelings of disappointment and frustration.

You can also share a story with your child about a time you got angry and how you were able to calm yourself down in a productive way, like thinking of three things that make you happy. 

“Statements [about yourself] tend to normalize some of the feelings that come up with such a big adjustment,” says Close. 

Sadness

While your child is adjusting to kindergarten, feelings of sadness can crop up from being separated from you. Sometimes, this may mean that your child will cry when you drop them off at school, or need extra encouragement and reassurance. 

Remind them that they’re brave and how much fun they will have, and that you’re excited to hear about what they learned after the school day ends. 

Sadness is another great time to teach them mantras, like “It is OK to miss Mommy. I will see her soon” or “When I go home I will play with my….” or “Mommy/Daddy is thinking about me,” and can make all the difference in making your child feel better. When a Friend Needs a Friend — a wonderful book about sadness and compassion — can help your child put more complex, mixed feelings into words and help them make sense of these emotions.

Small reminders of home are also very effective for managing sadness. “Sometimes it helps if children can bring a stuffy or a small picture of them with their parents to school and keep it in their backpack,” says Close. “Just knowing they are there can be soothing and reassuring.”

Characters like Princess Truly and Stillwater can provide your child some comfort while boosting their confidence. 

Get your child in gear with our helpful back-to-school guide, where you’ll find expert-recommended book lists, teacher tips, homework help, and other resources for a successful school year.

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