How to Stop Homework Struggles

Find out how to detect and defuse homework tug-of-wars with your child.
Aug 09, 2019



How to Stop Homework Struggles

Aug 09, 2019

The sighs of parents everywhere signal the seemingly inevitable homework tug-of-wars. Who hasn't wondered, "Why can't he just sit down and finish his work?" or "Should I remind him again about the science test?" Leapfrogging over homework hurdles can be especially tricky if you live with one of the kids described below.

Remember that homework hassles are often discipline problems in disguise. Defuse the power struggles by following the cardinal rules in general: set limits that are reasonable — and stick to them when it's realistic.

The Perfectionist

To a certain extent, perfectionists just can't help it.

"We all have our temperamental predispositions — ways of relating to the world that are biologically linked — and this is one of them," says Melanie J. Katzman, Ph.D., associate clinical professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical School in New York City. "Perfectionism can be a wonderful thing to pass on to your child, so parents shouldn't feel badly about it. But carried to an extreme, it can become debilitating. Perfectionist kids may anticipate that they will never be able to meet their own high standards, so why bother?"

To keep your child from getting gridlocked while doing homework, set a realistic example (by handling your own mistakes with composure) and praise effort, not grades. This is all a part of social emotional learning

The Procrastinator

The Procrastinator finds 201 things to do before she actually sits down and starts her homework. Often, she waits until the last minute, then rushes through it. Sometimes the procrastinator will throw you a bone: She'll gladly do her homework, as long as you're right there beside her. That's okay if you're willing, and if your child is young — but eventually, she will need to be more independent.

A child who procrastinates may do so for various reasons: She may be disorganized or have poor study or planning skills, or she may be anxious or angry about something at home or at school, in which case you need to play detective and talk to her, her teacher, or a school psychologist to determine why. To help, work with your child to set goals she can meet and to come up with a homework schedule together. (And get ahead of the worries: These books help calm anxiety that can come with the school year.)

The Disorganized Child

The disorganized child is always "just about" to sit down and start his homework, but then... well, something comes up. Since his reasons for his inability to complete his homework often seem so logical, you're thrown off guard. Should you give him the benefit of the doubt? Or is he just taking you down the same old road?

You could tear all your hair out over the antics of a child who's disorganized — and he still won't be able to do what he needs to do. Sometimes, the problem may be a learning challenge. Sometimes, it's as simple as providing a reasonably quiet, efficient workspace, or teaching him to organize homework materials, allocate time, and gather information. The trouble is, if you're always supplying the information, reminding him to study, or rushing that forgotten paper to school, you undermine the whole purpose of homework. And the disorganized child will never gain the confidence he needs to do things for himself. Try these 12 tips to get your child more organized.

The Underachiever

Parents of underachievers often hear the lament "I'm dumb" or "It's just too hard" from their perfectly capable kids. And they often hear it around 4th or 5th grade, when the amount of homework intensifies. Students must get used to stashing their gear in a locker, as well as the different styles of different teachers for each subject. To get your child who's underachieving in motion, you need to be a cheerleader. (These confidence-boosting books will also help!) 

Needless to say, if your child is genuinely unable to do the homework, you, in tandem with her teacher or school psychologist, must figure out why and enlist the help she needs. A learning difficulty or anxiety over problems at home may be affecting schoolwork, or the work is below her level and she may need more challenging assignments. 

Next: Have a reluctant reader? Here are the surprising ways graphic novels can help, plus more great books they'll love.  

Homework Resources That Will Help

Homework & Project Tips
Cognitive Skills
Age 10
Age 9
Age 8
Child Development and Behavior
Learning Styles
Laziness and Procrastination
Motivation Ideas
Time Management and Organization