Bernie Bridges has it all figured out. April-May June — the hottest girl in the fourth grade — will ask him to the annual girl-invite-boy school dance. They'll dance the night away, and April-May June will totally fall for him. There's only one problem: "Reality." April-May June doesn't WANT to go with Bernie. She wouldn't go with Bernie even if he was the last guy on earth. Then Jennifer Ecch — the Nightmare Girl — swoops in and asks Bernie to the dance. Yuck! How can he shake the unshakable Ecch? Bernie has a plan. He'll convince Jennifer that he is lower than toe fungus and not worthy enough to go to the dance with her. But love is blind. Jennifer loves Bernie — no matter what. So Bernie has no choice. The time has come to hold a long-distance snot-blowing contest right in front of Jennifer. That should be gross enough to get Jennifer out of his life — shouldn't it?