Fat-prejudiced people of the world, beware! Ralph, Sylvia, and Mavis, the Fat Camp Commandos, are on the loose!
Camp Noo Yoo is a fat camp. Parents send their kids there to lose weight, so they will come back model-thin and will be instantly popular. But even with softball, aerobics, special diet meals of shredded carrots and raisins, and Creative Abuse and Motivation Classes three times a week, no one has ever come back looking like a fashion model. But parents keep sending their kids there anyway.
My name’s Ralph, and I want to tell you what happened when my sister Sylvia and I got sent to Camp Noo Yoo. We’d always known we were fat, but so were our parents, and we didn't pay much attention to it. But as soon as our parents found out all about Camp Noo Yoo, and how we would grow up to be miserable and hated because we were fat, and wouldn’t ever get good jobs and would grow up to be fat and stupid criminals, cause that’s all we could do, they signed us up.
We were pretty mad about that, but then we met Mavis, who was the only cool kids at Camp Noo Yoo, a Celtic witch, and even madder than we were. She was the one who came up with The Plan.
The three of us were in the nature cabin, finishing our nightly pizza (Some things just don’t change. Fat kids always know how to get food!), and watching the cages of rattlesnakes that were scheduled to be cooled for the campers — they taste just like chicken and are even more low-calorie. I said I thought we should let them go, and Mavis said we should let ourselves go! It turned out it was easy — she had it all thought out. All we had to do was get into our folders in the camp office and get our return bus tickets, get on the bus and leave. We didn’t have a counselor to tattle on us, and we’d ask the other kids in our cabins not to mention our absence. Just to keep things busy while we were waiting for the bus to pick us up, we also let the rattlers go — under the camp director’s front porch!
And because of Mavis’s plan, we not only didn’t get caught, but actually managed to have a great summer. Mavis’s house had plenty of room for us to stay with her, and since her parents were in Africa, we could do whatever we wanted. What did we decide to do? Nothing much, really. Just taking revenge on a fat-phobic society, terrorizing ordinary citizens to awaken them from their fat prejudice. That’s all. Or is it?