Brace Yourself
“Mrs. N., you see these two teeth right here?”
(Child points to her front teeth.)
“One day, I’m going to get bracelets on these teeth.”
—Heather N.

Veggie Fish
Years ago, when I taught kindergarten, we took a trip to the zoo. We stopped on a bridge to look at the carp in the pond below and a little girl exclaimed, “Look! Swimming carrots!”

—Shari E.

Reel Life
“I know dinosaurs are alive. I saw Jurassic Park!”

—Sarah Z.

 

Bossypants
Student: “Why are you dressed like that?”
Me: “Like what?”
Student: “Pants! You must really be mad if you’re wearing pants!”

—Julie C.

Foolproof Forensics
On the first day of class, a student got ink on his fingers. So he made a thumbprint, put his name on it, and handed it to me, advising, “If there’s ever a crime committed in your room, you can rule me out.”

—Tiara F.

Splashy Heroics
“Ms. G., you’re a hero because you’re a teacher, and teachers help make us smart and help us stay out of puddles.” —Ashley G.

Caesar Prep
I was sitting at the lunch table telling my 6-year-olds what procedures I would need to take if a particular child had a seizure while he was eating. One child asked what a seizure was. Before I could answer, another child said, “A salad with croutons.”
—Frances M.

Bridge of Sighs
As our bus went under a bridge during a field trip, one of my first graders sighed and said wistfully, “I hope I live under a bridge someday.” Seemed like the coolest idea to him, I guess!
—Michelle H.

Extreme Surgery
“My brother had his independence removed.”
—Erin J.

Bray for Me
During my first year teaching, in 1977, I was trying to get my second graders to learn a song I loved as a child called “Donkey Dear.” They simply couldn’t get it. When I told them it didn’t sound right, a boy blurted, “Well, we’re singing it just like you!”
—Maridee R.

Birth of a Nation
I was talking about the Constitution with my fourth graders. It came up that I wasn’t around when it was written. One of my students said, “That’s because you were only a baby!”

—April D.

Magic Pony
One fifth grader said she wished ponies were real. I probed and found out she thought ponies were actually unicorns. —Claire M.

 

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Illustration: Serge Bloch