Just Desserts
Mrs. Kelley was teaching fractions with a chalkboard pie drawing. Sweeping the chalk along the edge of the pie for half its circumference, she asked, “What do we call this?” “Crust!” everyone answered unanimously. —May 1966

Ear-regular Bathing Habits
“Bobby,” inquired the mother, “did you wash your face and hands before the music teacher came?”
“And your ears?”
“Well, ma,” said Bobby judicially, “I washed the one that would be next to her.”
—February 1918

Junior Art Critic
Teacher: “Can anyone describe the famous picture you have seen many times entitled The Spirit of ’76?”
Junior: “There are three men. One has a drum;  one has a fife; and one has a headache.” 
—December 1970

Consolation Prize
After I pointed out to one of my pupils that his marks had gone down in several subjects, he remarked, “Oh, well, I still have 100 percent attendance!” —April 1948

Making a Commotion
One evening my little girl said: “We don’t have to go to school tomorrow.  The teachers are having a
‘commotion.’” —December 1970

At a Loss for Words
A friend’s 8-year-old son asked me to look over his homework. “Are you sure this is a strictly original composition?” I asked. “We-ell,” he replied, “you might find some of the words in the dictionary.” 
—October 1944

Latest Model
How old is your baby sister?” I asked little Bobby. He frowned and shook his head.
“She’s not old,” he said. “She’s new.” —October 1949

Math Party
“We have been studying quadratic occasions.” —February 1894

Sinking Ship
“The Titanic,” reported one of my fifth graders, “hit an ice cube and sank.” —April 1966

Less Than Zero
Soph: “But I don’t think I deserve an absolute zero.”
Prof: “Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark that I am allowed to give.” —January 1926

TV Daze
We were watching a spider spin its web. When I asked the class what the spider was doing, Marlene said, “I think he must be putting in a television set.” —December 1970

Swimming Lessons
In a geography lesson about islands, the teacher said, “Alpha, can you tell me what an island is?”
Alpha thought for a few seconds and then answered, “Well, it’s a piece of land out for a swim!” —October 1943 


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Illustration: Ross MacDonald