Mr. Roboto
I was picking up my students from recess. The first half of the line was moving smoothly, until it got to one of my boys. He was just standing there holding up the line. I told him it was time to go inside. He shook his head, blinked his eyes, and said, “I was buffering.” —Cathy P.

Zees Is za Secret!
One of my third graders befriended a newcomer from France. The befriender confided to me, “I think M. is beginning to understand my English.” [Conspiratorial tone] “It’s because I talk in a French accent.” —Kristen L.

Rinse and Repeat
A student had a scratch on her hand and wanted a bandage. I told her she needed to wash her hands with soap first. She said she already had. Since they didn’t look very clean, I asked, “When?” She replied, “Yesterday!” —Joanne B.

Pinocchio’s Pal
When I asked a girl in my class why she was not telling the truth, she said, “I don’t know why I’m lying. I just open my mouth and they come out!” —Marguerite S.

Down the Drain
First grader: “I am so sorry for missing class this morning. I had a ‘mind drain.’” —Polly W.

Certified Dad-Grade
"My dad did my homework, and he would really like to know how well he did!” —Heather B.

I had a student skip by, tap on my pregnant stomach, and say, “Dinosaur!” —Brandy R.

Live-Work Space
It was my first year teaching kindergarten and I was getting something out of the storage closet. I turned around to find five little ones peeking in after me. When I asked why they were out of their seats, they said they were looking for my bed! —Claire M.

Playing Both Sides
One of my students said, during a presentation, “If you like my visual aids, I made them; if you don’t like them, my mom made them.” —Metztli C.

PJ Patrol
On the first week back after spring break, a kindergartner walked up to me during recess duty to notify me that he had forgotten to change out of his pajama top before coming to school.
—Heidi G. R.

Playing With Your Food
My students love erasers shaped like animals, food, etc. One morning, I went to put my lunch box in my mini fridge and found a hamburger eraser inside. When I asked my class why it was there, a little girl raised her hand and said she didn’t want her hamburger to go bad over the weekend. —Gina F.


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Illustration: Gary Clement