Dear Dumb Diary,
TEACHERS DON'T FART.
I spend something like eight months a year, seven hours a day with teachers. If they did, I'd know it. Moms dot it. Dads do it. Beagles do it (sometimes so bad that your eyes burn and your lungs might try to escape by jumping out your mouth).
Even I do it. One time I had a fart that lasted so long, that around the middle of the fart I was thinking back to when the fart began. Anyway, I was thinking about teachers and their intestinal gas today in school and that may have prevented me from learning anything. Maybe the teachers just need to try harder. (To teach me things, that is. Not to cut one.)
Seriously though, it's hard for me to blame teachers. It's probably pretty tough to stand up in front of us normal human beings and try to convince us that the equator is interesting, or that the clothes that the people in Wheretheheckistan wear are beautiful. (Fashions in other countries sometimes appear to be based on one person daring another person to wear something in public.)
Fortunately, I do have one teacher who is always like: Miss Anderson, my art teacher. She's my BTF, which is like a BFF but it's for teachers. She is pretty enough to be a waitress, and she notices important things like when I create my own private glitter blends. (Currently, I'm using a secret mixture of gold, red, and magenta. It's pretty much magnificent.)
Art class would be perfect if Angeline (Miss Blondy BlondWad) wasn't in it. Angeline is not an artist and when she stands next to something, she has a way of making it look less pretty by comparison. Which, when you think about it, is a form of vandalism that sadly, our legal system has no penalty for yet.
Oh, and Mom FINALLY got me the shoes I wanted. Dad, being a dude, only has, like two pairs of shoes and can't fully appreciate how much you can need a pair of shoes that you don't need at all.
Mom is totally immune to my begging for most things, but since she is a girl - or used to be one - she has way too many shoes and sympathizes with other females who also want too many shoes.
Anyway, they make me look 20 or something.