December  23, 1773 Dear Diary, I didn't sleep last night at all; as has been the past few days. I was thinking over what it was like this time of year, last year, two days before the blessed day of Our Lord's birth. Yes, it is two days before Christmas. Yet so much doubt, so many questions, and confusion are drifting inside me that I feel none of the cheer that this season brings. Last year we had a party with my family and good friends on the Eve of Christmas day. Grandfather was there. I remember vividly how he danced with Mother; twirling his daughter around while William and I watched on with smiles. Laughter surrounded all---it was impossible to escape! Yet this year many more then a few seem to have their minds somewhere else. And, dear diary, you will be surprised to hear who stopped by today once again. I was just coming out of our barn, back from feeding the sheep, when I heard footsteps crunch snow behind me. Spinning around, I saw, to my joy (but also some embarrassment) that Jesse was walking up to me. I marveled how this handsome boy could possibly be the same Indian brave that had kissed me not but a week ago. He said that he heard about Grandfather refusing to speak to us. How he knew that, I will never know. He shared my sorrow some, for he also had liked Grandfather very much. Not being able to contain myself, words burst from my mouth: "Is freedom truly worth this? To break apart families, friends...I'm beginning to wonder. Father is much too preoccupied to answer my questions, William has the same doubts as I, and Mother thinks of me as a child. Will I ever understand?" The moment I said this I dropped the pail I was carrying and clapped a hand over my mouth. Jesse looked at me with his head tilted slightly. "You don't believe freedom is worth this?" He asked. Not angrily, or spitefully, just...asked. "I didn't intend to say that. Forgive me." I said quietly, now feeling like a child, when I had believed myself so much a lady before. To my surprise and relief, Jesse smiled. "I didn't believe so. I do not have very many answers at all; just questions. And more questions. They will be answered in time." Now, I wouldn't accuse Jesse of being 'rash', but he most certainly is not patient. These words surprised me greatly. I nodded, biting the tip of my tongue just in case it decided to spill some more of my heart's wonderings. "And I don't think you a child." I felt butterflies in my chest, butterflies that were there any time of year, whether there be snow or sun. I heard, from the other side of the barn, the door of our house being opened. "Eli---za!" Mother's voice called. "Have you froze out there, my dear?" "...No, Mother, I am...coming." I said, forcing myself to speak. "I must go now, Jesse. It is quite a pleasure to see you again." "It has been a pleasure seeing you, Liza." I had the same thrill as I had a few times before that he wasn't calling me plain 'Eliza', but...Liza. Jesse traced his fingertip down the bridge of my nose, winked, and then turned away. I watched him for a few moments before realizing that I needed to get back inside. I was positively skipping. Then I scolded myself, and asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for having so much joy because Jesse had visited me. I do think of him much throughout the day. How I wonder if this shall become a routine to have him visit me often? I wonder to myself. I wish to write more of my musings, but I can hear Mother calling me in the same way that she did earlier; the same drawn out ''i' in my name: "Eli---za!" Only now it is accompanied by, "Come help me with supper, my dear." I must go now.