Feeling Rejected

• PRINT
• EMAIL

By Clarice J. Kestenbaum, M.D. Q: My son is 9 years old — very bright, does well in school, teachers enjoy him. But he tells me that no one wants to be his friend, and he said he feels invisible. He stated that kids (boys) won't let him in the group and they say things that hurt him. I spoke with the teacher but she insisted that he is well adjusted and seems happy in school (she doesn't believe me). My son will only go on field trips if I go. And every morning we go through an excuse why he wants to stay home. I talked to the school psychologist , who smiled and stated that we all went through this and brushed me off.

Please help. I want him to enjoy school and be happy. My worst fear is he grows up angry and feeling like an outsider.

A: Your son may, feel inadequate about this performance in sports or other nonacademic activities. He obviously does not feel accepted by his peers. Are the other children he admires in the "in group" that is, the "cool" kids? Does he feel left out? It may be that the children he admires are not as smart as he is or are physically more developed. Does the school, in your opinion, provide the right milieu for him? You need to ascertain whether the problem is in the environment or within himself. Is your son exhibiting early signs of depression such as irritability, anger, and low self-esteem? If you cannot learn more from your son in person (not an unusual experience), a psychiatric consultation is in order.